Rats!

I have written ad nauseam about my dislike of animals here on Pertaining to all things Robertesque, but I once again feel the need to print that my least favorite of all the animal kingdom is rats. I mean, I really hate them! Not only that, if you like them, there is something wrong with you. Pet rats? Come on!

Anyway, today one was by my feet on the sidewalk outside. Holly spotted it and I shrieked like a little girl. It was tiny, but really, is there such a thing? There's no mice, only rats... and I hate all of them. So, I grabbed the shovel and in one swift move cut off it's head. I was slightly afraid that it might somehow jump on me. Not taking any chances, I left all of its body on the sidewalk in hopes that others might see it and continue past our house realizing that sure and certain demise meet all rodents in this abode. This is not true, because at the moment I see a rat in this house we are moving, plain and simple. But I want them to really wonder if coming in the Hope residence is the best choice for their little rat lives, with their crooked big teeth and beady eyes.

Gall Bladder Update

After all my tests came back, turns out there's nothing wrong with my gall bladder. It is fit as a fiddle. The doc said to watch what I eat. Haha. That's funny. I do that anyway. Not in the sense that I monitor a strict diet, I just post statuses on twitter about every meal, so I can later examine all that has been eaten. He also told me not to eat things that upset my stomach like Papa John's Pizza. That's not happening. In the future, I'll continue to decide if what I'm eating is going to be worth the pain I'll feel later.

Nice, real nice!

My First Photo Attempt

So I was commissioned to take some city photos for my first shoot. Here's the result. Some of my photog friends, begin your critique. I would like very much to improve.

Small

Last Saturday night Holly and I were hanging out with some friends of ours named Greg and Lisa. We like them. They are cool. 

It was during a very heated game of Spades (which Greg and I dominated), that the aforementioned Mr. Harper alluded to the fact that he recently began tracing his family lineage. This has always intrigued me, but I've never gotten too involved in the necessary actions to actually do a family tree. After we got finished destroying Holly and Lisa, Greg showed me ancestry.com. This was around 10 pm. At 2:30 am I had traced my Grandmother's maiden line back to 1279 in England. 1279. Unbelievable. That's like during the time of the Crusades. A contemporary of Genghis Khan (almost). It was before the Black Plague. America had not even been found, and would not be for another 220 years! I met some of my forerunners. They were an interesting bunch. The Hope family has had it's share of escaped convicts, aristocracy, and loons. 

Perhaps the thing that struck me the most while sifting through all of that history was how small I am. One in the midst of multitudes who were before me. The way that different families came together and produced offspring, that most of the time found a wife from a different family, to produce more offspring for generations and generations began to blow my mind. It is a miracle that I'm even here! I haven't been able to get over that feeling of smallness since that time. In the grand scheme of things, I'm quite insignificant. On the other hand, God is rather big... and long lasting. I wonder perchance if this is one of the reasons that lineages are mentioned in Scripture. To remind that generation in Israel that they were no big deal. God has been doing this for a while, and as much as we want to think that the world revolves around us, we are not the end all, or the pinnacle. Just another name in the line. 

Whatever Happened to Fortune Cookies?

"Leadership is an action. Not a position."

This was the "fortune" out of my fortune cookie. Dear friends this is not a fortune. It's a proverb. There's a difference. I don't want proverb cookies. I want free, stale tasting, non-sweet fortune cookies. You know, the ones with the lucky numbers on the back, and if your in real high cotton, the ones that teach you a Chinese word.

One of the previous fortune cookies I got said, "Please disregard your last fortune cookie." Seriously?!?!

Friends, it's time we take a united stand against proverb cookies! They are shameful imitations of a once treasured treat in many subpar chinese restaurants around this great land. I for one can take no more. Who's with me?

Bizarre Choices Part 4

Here's another bizarre choice from Zobmondo's Book of Bizarre Choices. Which would you pick?

Would you rather:

Always have to wear wet socks?

OR

Always have to wear wet underwear?

The Zoo: Honey Hide the Kid's Eyes!

Saturday we went to the Montgomery zoo, which, by the way beats the pants off of the Birmingham zoo. We were having a lovely time when we passed the monkey exhibit. They were lounging around looking at us as we were looking at them. It was quite awkward. Many of you know how I feel about animals, but monkeys are a step weirder because they are similar to humans. They have hands like us, and a striking resemblance to that distant cousin that lives in Shelby. You know what I'm talking about. 

I like the small monkeys. The tiny ones are really cute until they throw their little doo doo balls at you. The big ones are not so nice. How about this one? He's a BAD monkey. He exposed himself to all the passersby, some of which were children. Parents covered their kids eyes as they laughed that embarrassed, awkward laugh on their way to see the white tigers, who coincidentally do NOT have opposable thumbs.