Seriously?

I apologize in advance for my intentional vague language on this post.  I received some upsetting news yesterday concerning a dear friend, and I wish not to draw attention to his family.

I find myself in a dangerous place - numbness.  I should have been really heartbroken and surprised, but I wasn't.  It's not that I saw any conspicuous sin in his life when we hung out.  I've just come to expect it.  This frightens me greatly.  I don't want to be numb, or expect it.  I want to go back to the place of shock and disbelief.  I want my faith in Christian individuals to be restored, but in the past two years this has been the trend - if I look up to you in ministry, you will fall into sin.  So beware P, D, M, S, D, etc...you're in a long line of people who I highly esteem, and the track record's not so great.

Perhaps the thing that bothers me the most is that I look for ways to think maybe it's not that bad.  "Conceivably, it didn't go as far as I think."  That's stupid!  For where the heart goes, so goes the body.  And it's not ok!  It's wrong!  It's sin!  Christ shed precious blood because of it!

So far, the only tenable positive outcome of this experience, is that it grants me motivation to be evermore careful.  I understand what I am, and realize I could be trapped.  This news give me a bigger stick with which to poke the ground in front of me as I walk.  May God remove the snares and grant me greater hatred for opposition to His righteousness!